Stupid and useless.

 
Is “Life is unfair”, perhaps’ a fact? I don’t believe in those claims. I believe that everyone does not have a perfect life. Even the richest… and the poorest… and the smartest… and the dumbest, stupid useless like me.

I’m useless.

Right now, I’m extremely tired and could no longer bare but I want to stay awake because I’m afraid and feel useless. If I get in bed now, I feel that I’m making myself useless and lazy. I feel that if I go to sleep means I’m being lazy.

A few minutes before midnight, Mother and I had a chat and I cried to her without telling the actual reason. Thought I doubt she could sense why. I feel so ridiculous because I’m not being emotional for a reason whom a five years old boy or girl could tolerate. But she knew I could not handle such pressure with hectic schedule and loads of school works, its way too much. But to her its a minor because she experience the worst.

Signing off.

For the past few weeks.

I have my reasons why this rusty old blog have not been updated for a long time. I did mention that I starts school and I can't deny the fact that I've extremely been busy with schoolwork need to be done every weekdays and one the weekends if I have time, I would have spent my day resting at home. For the next few paragraph, be prepared for a slight emo-ish entry.

For the past few weeks as I've mentioned above, I've been extremely busy with schoolwork results to a hectic schedule almost everyday. But myself being busy and stressing doesn't end there. There are more than what I've written in words. To be honest, my stress for the past few weeks can be branch into parts; school, "peers", random unexpected things, assignments, schoolwork, and the lists go on........

My previous 4 years I spent in life other than being at home with family, working part-time at ex-workplace, learnt what love is, learnt what it takes to be a lady or shall I say enjoying every single bit of the sweet and bitter part of my life, I studied in ITE. ITE, the vocational school some parents thinks are for lazy, uninterested in studies students. I never thought I could have been furthering up my studies until I made up my mind to try my luck and now in 3 years time I might have completed my studies with a diploma. But it doesn't come easy. The first few weeks I had been struggling to "blending in", doing assignments and presenting in a team, cracking my brain..... I can't seems to "catch the ball" and I can't pour out ideas for the team members therefore I often feel blues. Being amongst the oldest with most of the classmates still a kid, how am I able to communicate with them? Them and I have a different perspective and certain things they do I find it quite rude but I tried my best to say that 'it was just a joke'. Unless if the "joke" go overboard. Then struggling with schoolwork and sometimes my brain won't cooperate with me results myself getting frustrated or even crying like a lost puppy.

For example today, half of the class absent. 2 partial. I thought I was going to die so I cried. But overall today turns out well I supposed.

But my poly life so far is fun though, all the ups and downs I believe are worth it. With S and P it is fun. They are fun. I guess without them I don't know if I could survive.

I miss my freedom but for the sake of better life, I want to further up my studies and  it's a must for myself.

Hmm...

There's a lot of things I feel that I need to write (or type) but I think I should end it here.

Signing off.

Reason why.

This explains why.

Please excuse my grammatical error, bad pronunciation and incomplete sentences due to obviously you know why.