Truth

Two years later, after we moved on, I know the truth. Two years ago, I was in an emotional turmoil. It hurts. It hurts that my heart felt choking. I wish you would have told the truth. I wish you would have tell me. You keep in just like I do.

Now.....

We have already moved on......

We moved on with our life......

Although it's heart-breaking that we already moved on, or maybe you've already moved on,

 

I believe things happen for reasons.....

The reasons that I've yet to know.....

After two years........

a noob developer.

I'm officially turning 24 years old in few hours from now. I love birthday wishes. Birthday wishes are the best gifts I've ever received.

And......

.....Yes, that is me. I'm a noob. I can't be a developer. Just that I don't have the confidence. I feel like dying. Currently, I'm working on a project revamping a website. I don't mind being a developer, if i know. Right now, I know nuts about JavaScript. I learned it for a lesson. One thing about JavaScript that makes life complicate is that it NEVER TELLS what the main bugs are. Normally when writing a code, bugs would appear therefore makes a programmer's life much easier. But, JavaScript......

it's like, you're in a relationship and your partner did not tell the problems in the relationship so you need to consistently keep on guessing..

Need to get back to work.

Signing off.

= (

I'm dying..... ='(

I doubt that I would be graduating next year.. ='(

I have no confidence at all and wonder how I'm able to endure until year 3......

I don't even know what I want to do in life...

I don't know if I love IT and writing codes but for sure I want to be like older brothers.....

I love writing and I love stories......

I love art and I love acting.....however I can't pursue in those due to obstacles......

My best subject in school was Art but I could take it for being a private candidate in N'level.

The only dream I have left now and getting married to my prince charming and having a family.....but

unfortunately i have no boyfriend or someone i love......never even have a boyfriend before......


My sad pathetic life......

sobsobsob...

TOP

I love Bigbang ever since before their debut as a 6 members! To be honest, Bigbang are the only "boyband" that I have no bias or favorite member. I love every members equally because every members of Bigbang has their own charm. I have to admit that Bigbang is one of the boy group that is not as pretty or handsome.

BUT I LOVE TOP!!

I love TOP as much as I love Kyu Jong from SS501 back then!

I keep figuring on and thinking. I keep thinking why suddenly I really love TOP a lot more.

But then, I notice something similar between TOP and Kyu Jong.

 TOP is first of all, I could remember that he is clumsy. Back then in 2007 when MTV was airing their reality TV show, I remember TOP can't dance and he's soooo clumsy.

TOP is random and that makes him very funny. I notice this side of him from watching 2ne1TV. Lastly, TOP doesn't get angry easily. He's patience!

What does TOP and Kyu Jong has in common? Both of them are random and patience. They don't get angry easily.


ahh~ I don't know why but I like gentle guys. I've said this to bestfriend before. 

Sandara Park and Shinee in Kiss Note!

I think everyone's already know about this webisode but I'm going to blog about it anyways because I'm sooo excited about it!

Sandara Park has always been my favorite for her flawless skin! She's the reason why I bought cosmetics and skincare from Etude House! When I found out that she's acting in a romantic comedy through Sandara's Me2day, I was confuse (before they inform about the Youtube short drama) and excited.

Their teasers makes me more excited that I couldn't wait any longer.

The teaser they release a few days ago. 

However today they released the first part of Kiss Note.

They did an interview and explain what Kiss Note is all about.

I'm so excited for the next part! Can't wait for more!

Past 6 months

For the past 6 months, there has been ups and downs. I got to admit that I skipped school and regret it, not studying (which is definitely not me). I forgot that along the way, i did save photos i took prior to certain "event".

Remember the glasses I got in late 2009 at spectacle hut? That time I remembered the salesguy was "touching" me.

I remembered everything.

The black glasses I was talking about. Around the same months, I was mugging for exams. I got it new for 99 SGD. The black glasses suppose to cost more than 100 SGD but he gave me discount (that is what perverts/pedo does =.=).

I think during mid-semester break (prolly around late december 2011), I got a new one. I've been LONGING to get glasses like one above! But it cost a BOMB! I forgot how much it cost though..

Also, during the school semester for the 6 months period, I had a haircut. I don't remember when it was but it was after a long tiring day at school around late afternoon to nearly sunset. The hair salon I went was a different from the previous one. This time I went to the other one and since the bus I took pass by the shopping mall, I thought, why not? Okay I don't really chopped off my hair but I got layers BUT layers that I want. The previous hair salon I went, the stylist did not cut my hair like I want to but the current hairstylist cut the layers like how I wanted. However, it cost a BOMB I literally almost choke myself with my saliva. 53++SGD for just a haircut! So basically I need an anti-dandruff shampoo (or maybe its just product buildup on my scalp), and I need to religiously blow dry my hair because my hair look like a total mess. Don't blame me though, I've been caught up with assignments, burning midnight oil and stress.

For the past 6 months, I got to admit that I did skipped school. Yeah, I went somewhere else instead just to keep myself alone and so that I can think properly.

So, around the A&F naked model week (those week when A&F was about to open in SG and they have naked men standing outside their store), I roam around Orchard alone in the morning simply because it is so peaceful. But, then it get interestingly tiring. Went back and forth from orchard to somerset then back to orchard and before that I went to mustafa centre hence got really weary prior to that (that explains the picture above).

My skin got really bad due to stress, lack of sleep and assignments that keep me from not sleeping properly! Okay actually the picture above is due to myself not realizing that I was constantly touching my face while doing coding for my assignments. Wow, those are bad blemishes, hyperpigmentations and dark circles!

But, I got to admit that those scarring/hyperpigmentations has improve alot! I need to sleep better, drink more water, NO stress, STOP picking up blemishes/clogged pores and slap on skincare religiously.

Oh... and I love TOP! 탑! 사랑해!!

I'll tell why I love him soooo much in the next post!

BigBang FTW~!
Been a fan of them waaayyy before TVXQ and I still remember them as 6 members (not officially though back then).

Do check out their new album ALIVE.

holiday mode ON

Holiday officially begin!! yippie!! I've already downloaded a lot of movies for the holidays. Anyone has a me2day account? do add me up here.

Update: I realized moments ago that I did not publish this post (in which supposed to publish this weeks ago)

Don't judge me cause I'm quiet.

No one plans a murder out loud.

Most of the time I stay quiet so as not to provoke your "little"-self. 

I find it pointless fighting with an idiot.

One day. Just one day you'll know. That one day, you'll come back to me begging for help. I swear.

..

I have it now, moments later you realized everything's gone. What's left?

Sem

I've not been active on blogging.. Simply because I'm enjoying my holiday too much.. Things I must do for upcoming holiday are as following:~

1st -- GET AWAY FROM LAPTOP!
2nd -- HIDE THE LAPTOP
3rd -- Spend my time reading

4th -- Exercise!
5th -- Watch TV more often (eg. KBS World, One).... baahahahaa....







But honestly, the next holiday is prolly few months away......and school semester starting tomorrow...


ahhh~~~~~~

I'm not ready for schooolllll.........

T__T

Upset.

When was the last time I update my blog? I'm on a school holiday. School starts on early October. I lost my concession pass that is also my transport card. Yeah, I'm pretty f*** up. Need to report to school about the lost of my concession pass.

Urgh.

I literally cried almost the whole day because 1st: I need to cancel meeting up with friends, 2nd: I lost my concession pass basically it is the most important card than my cellphone. I can survive without cellphone but not concession pass. This is also means I need to use adult fare which is also means I need to fork out SGD20 for a week for just a transportation! Might as well get a car right?! This is why I need a driving license!

Last night, I watched 3 horror movies. Paranormal Activity, The Last Exorcism and The Priest. I didn't watch Final Destination 5 because all of the series are piece of crap.

I'm most impressed of The Last Exorcism though.

And today, I watched X-Men: First Class and Spy Kids 4.






I'm still upset about what happened today though. ='(

Updates,

(e..e)

Feel less burden now. BUT, the war isn't over YET. UT2 coming another week more and I need to prepare for it. Okay, I need a break. Really, I'm tired. I need some K-dramas and wash my eyes a bit with K-idols *huhu*.

Stress can weaken your immune system therefore prone to illness. I've learned my lesson. (._.)

...

Few more weeks to 9th June, my 23th Birthday. Nothing interesting about birthdays, my birthday. People exaggerate birthdays, it annoys me. Exaggerate on birthdays and believe only good things can only happens on one's birthday therefore high expectation, makes one forget 'Humble' & 'Life' means. We can't get what we wants and how we want it to be. If we were to DIE right now at this moment, we'll surely die. So don't be happy if you're intelligent, rich, pretty, having the perfect day.....  because one day, in a second, all of those 'gifts' can be taken away.

I do not like my birthday. What's the point... I'm going to be alone anyways...

Nina & I

Nina Sayers

Me

Can you guess what Nina Sayers (played by Natalie Portman) and I has in common? No, I don't look like her. Neither do I has mental disorder nor do I can dance ballet.
What Nina and I has in common? Try guessing.

Manja (Sept '08 - Sept '10)

I miss Manja.. I don't think anyone wants to give her back to us.. She's not independent at all.. I wonder where she is..  ='(

Some Photos.

Wednesday officially has started and it's my off day. yippie ^^

But anyways, I have been having shoulder/neck pain since last week. Any advice anyone?

The obvious bump on the picture above shows how painful and difficult for me to move my neck. =((
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Also.... My hair has grown.....

My hair is officially long! Yaayy!
Do you know how long it has been for me to wait until my hair grows?

I don't blog that much tonight due to tiredness and honestly I slept for only 3 hours last night but I was able to endure long hour at school with the help of coffee.

Until then,
Signing off.

Botanical Garden 2010 trip and holidays.

I wasn't be able to upload the video below because I was confused with Blogger's buttons (yes i'm a noob).
The video below was taken at Botanical Garden Singapore around September 2010 before Year 1 semester 2 started.

Part 1

Part 2 coming soon (blame blogger -.-)

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PS. I want a fairytale wedding!!

(EDIT)

Here is part two on our trip to Botanical.

 

Part 2

Time pass by quickly. Just a moment ago I viewed Far East Movement's blog and happen to see their blog post on Singapore. When I read "arrived at the sands", I was like "sands? what sands? marina bay sands????". Scrolled down, its MARINA BAY SANDS!!!!! I want to go there! 헐!
Marina Bay Sands were meant to attract tourist. For tourist but for a typical kiasu Singaporean like me, *want to go there for what? =((
What I really really want is the Sampan ride. The Sampan ride is what I'm looking forward at. I guess I'll never get what I want. But it's okay though because we can't get what we want. In life, we can either get this and lost that. For example, I get my heartbroken but I happiness in other way.
So, back to Far East Movement's blog I visited today, I scrolled down again, I photograph of Sentosa's Beach view *jealous*. 헐! I should have been to Sentosa before school semester start! But I was afraid that my money would go ching chingg.

But I really want to go though...........

I look like a stalker stalking Far East Movement online. huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. Kidding. I'm not stalking okay? I'm keeping myself update just like any other fans. huhu.


PS. I'm afraid of Swans.


Signing off. =))


* in singlish.

Dead and school

My blog looks dead to the point that I think no one wants to read my blog.. TT
Nevertheless, I will soon blog more.. Perhaps, since the beginning of year 2 will start tomorrow..

Since new semester will start tomorrow..

Need to wake up early again..

Need to solve problem every weekdays (wednesday not included because its my off day!!), presentations and reflection journal (as "homework"). But what excites me the most is COFFEE!!

Coffee is like my addiction. I need coffee to perk myself up.

This coffee addiction isn't new to my friends and family. huhuhuhu ^^

Few weeks ago I went to school to configure my macbook. Yes it's the Macbook White but I was given two choice; Macbook White or Macbook Air. For IT (Information Technology) its best to choose Macbook or Macbook pro but 1st older brother said something about Macbook Pro that the manufacturer has change etc (i'm not sure).
But anyways (back to the topic), I had coffee (!!) while waiting for IT staff to configure the macbook.

Became a 23 years-old happy woman after had my coffee.

Had my coffee at lawn peacefully alone on the sunny day is like a spa treatment (Be jealous to those living in seasonal weather especially Europe. huhuhu. Kidding). ^^

During this two months break, I lost and gain weight. Lost weight because I was emotionally unstable but was trying to tough up and cope with the pressure I had and gain back some weight.

Before. Lost weight results an obvious V-line face even puffing my cheek looks like of hideous (in my view).

After gain some weight.

Today before my older sister (my only sister) went to Sim Lim Square to buy RAM while getting ready, she heard through my earpiece that I was listening to Far East Movement's Like a G6 at Youtube and surprisingly asked, "You listen to that song?!?"

Confession: I do.

But instead of answering her question, I went out avoiding her question! hahahahaha..

I mean, who doesn't listen to Far East Movement? Everyone do!

But then I went back into our room and tell her that its because I was observing one of the member in the group that resembled 2nd older brother A LOT.

Yes. The above statement is true.

I guess people are wondering who is the person in the group that resemble our 2nd older brother??

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Yes, this one.

I don't know why I seems to have this "defensive wall" avoiding from getting caught when people finds out on things or person I like. For example I love k-pop but was in denial when people ask me. Basically I won't admit if I like someone or I love certain music or group. Another example this the one above about sister and I. huhu.

Aging woman signing off!

Part two.

I was planning to come over to school for the macbook white's configuration tomorrow (since it's already past midnight, its today) but I think I'll come by on the following day.

I think when school holiday begins, I'm not a very happy person. Not because rotting at home which I truly don't mind, but of things that has been happening.

Sometimes I don't know if what I see with my naked eyes are real. But I guess I need a little faith to know what's real.

Honestly, to actually believe what is real to your naked eyes really hurt. Like a dagger stabbed and buried deep inside my heart.

To chase over a guy seems unladylike.

Sometimes I feel that my heart won't listen to me.

I did tell myself to give up on him as its worthless and since it seems like I'm invisible to him but my heart won't listen to me.

I feel like an idiot.

tough.

I did say that I want to forget him. But it's much difficult and I don't think its possible. This feeling I have for him, what is it? I know I like him but why do I feel hurt (can't breath, sudden shock,etc) when I saw those recent photo of him?

I feel sorry and guilty for him because a weak and stupid girl like me could have like him. I don't think any guys would want a weak and stupid girl to like them either.

I don't think it's possible for me to forget him.

Really.

Based on psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, means he/she are already in love.

So, am I in love?

Sorry.

I'm dumb and I can't use my brain to make decision. I tried and tried.

Honestly, make me cry isn't funny at all. You may find it amusing but I may kick your balls for that. So what are you going to do? Run away? Or avoid me?

When I say I may kick your balls means DO NOT RUN AWAY.
When I say I'm not means I AM.
When I say I'm okay means I'M NOT OKAY.
When I'm about to punch you, DODGE MY FIST AND COMFORT ME.
So when I say I may kick your balls, I FEEL HURT AND I NEED YOUR COMFORT.

Basic Female Language.

The End.

So silence means THE END. I'll take note of it.

Although it will be tough for me, maybe 2, 3 or maybe 4 years to completely erase you? If it takes long time for me to completely erase you, I'm truly sorry. Because I think I know how it feels like. I think I'm a pest to you. But please forgive me because I'm just a weak girl.

I'm really weak. Really. I feel hurt easily, I cry a lot, always sick, got skin allergy and sinus, basically I'm terribly weak. So I'm truly sorry.

But please don't get me wrong. I'm not being stubborn. I'm always having really hard to forget. Be it in anything. I have difficulty to forget. So I'm truly sorry.

I'm sorry once again ='{