Some days.

Some days.

I feel ease a bit now. After meet up with my friends. Gosh what had happened to world today?!
Honestly I may look innocent but not so innocent but I am not manipulator, not a fake, I never pretend innocent. I am me. How I treat others is how I truly are. What I mean as myself not being so innocent is that I am boyish, temperate(which I myself trying to improve on it).
Gosh I have had started to listen to those old days times where Rock, metals only plays to my ears. Please stop it!.
With that reason I try to listen to pop songs. Yes I know its lame.

To my friends, be strong for whatever circumstance you are facing. And I know I am not strong enough and trying my best to be strong. Be strong! And remember we got each other so you are not alone! Remember that!

Note: Nurul, Hairuliah, Bibah, DIANA!! where are you girls? Miss you girls to the core! Love you all!

Thoughtless mind.

When you have a dream and hoping if it could come true,
but it seems impossible and I am hopeless.
I did not know what to do or able to do.
All this is utterly impossible.
What am I possibly supposed to do?
Should I continue pursuing it or just give up, I do not know.
This is unreal to me but trying my best to make it real.
Waiting seems worthless and it sadden me atrociously.
I want grieve but it seems impossible.
I never want to mourn but it seems possible.
Hours ago while time passes by in my mind thought My life would end which I never wish to.
Worthless. Hopeless.
I want to grieve.



.......



I want to cry but I cannot.


Help.


Help me.
Save me.
Save me please because I am crying.
I am crying.
I am crying please, please save me.

Christmas Day

Christmas Day

An hour more to midnight and it'll be Wednesday 26th December '07. By the way, Merry Christmas!!

How to start this. Well, I feel a bit down these few days. I'm completely clueless on my feelings.
Just want to break down and cry. Been sad for no reason.
I am strong! Cheer up!


My life do filled with bitters and sours.
And so does my feet thanks to the heels.

Blisters! Urgh! And yes I know what you guys thinking. My feet ugly and fat.

BITCH

I HAVE THE MOST STUPIEST BLOODY BITCH BROTHER IN THE WORLD.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just another day.

Just another day.

I went to Hougang mall today with everyone staring at me. Don't ask why. Well, I'm gonna tell anyway. Its because I went there worn my leather bag, white heels with my Elizabeth Arden's perfume. Now you know.

Acting cute before going to Hougang mall.

I know. what's with the heel?! As you guys know, I hate heels. I told myself once that I would NEVER wear heels. But why do I wear? I tell you why.
Few days ago I complain to my mum that I need to buy new shoe and there is only the heels I got left. She told me "NO!". She told me either to donate the heels or I have to bare to wear the heels.
So, there it is. I have to wear the heels, like, ever.

My ugly feet and white peep-toe heels. It was dark because the place is dark.

And I bought new earpieces.

My new earpieces.

By the way, I need to go to my old school tomorrow and I have no idea what time I need to be there. I had prepared for the worst.

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

I would like to share something cute. As you know, I love anything cute. And these are the cutest I've seen so far!

Junsu and Inhwan baby kiss. cute!!

Cute Xiah Inhwan and Xiah Junsu with their killer smile.. cuteness overload!! *faint*



Mini DBSK and DBSK. CUTE!!! *screaming*

Here are some extra

Xiah Junsu and Mini Xiah

Micky Yoochun and mini Micky

Hero Jae Joong and mini Hero

U-Know Yunho and Mini U-know

Max Chang Min and mini Max

DBSK and mini DBSK. So "Kawaii"!!~

Hady Mirza Wins Asian idol?

Hady Mirza Wins Asian idols?

It shocks. Really.

When I watched Asian Idol and heard with my own ears that the winner is Hady Mirza,

I was like..

Huh? Hady Mirza??!?

He got a good voice.

Got nothing much to say..

I can make the kiddy voice thanks to snowie and my little Nara..

Tata..

Goodnight!

Weird boys.

Weird boys.

Two days ago, I went to ITE Balestier for the Appreciation tea session. Krisna, Harun and I waited for Renuka for 1 hour just because the damn bus arrived so late that made others in a hurry waiting like hell. Onces we arrived at the hall, the talk was over.

'-_-

But lucky they served some food because I have not eaten breakfast and lunch that day.

The funny part: Renuka and I love this particular Chinese food(I don't know the name). So I took the courage to went to the buffet area and add up the particular food. Suddenly an average guy went up to me and asked some detail about me. And so I replied to him as I just trying to be friendly. But at one point, he muttered to me asking my number. Since the background was a bit noisy, I pretend to deafen my ears; pretend not hearing what he had said. Then I straight away went to my fellow friends and laugh out. Not that I laugh at him but, why would any guy be attracted to my not-so-pretty-face like me while I'm not wearing makeup?

The fuck up part: After the event, I straight away went to the nearest library, at Hougang. Once I reached Hougang station, while on the way out, a group of secondary boys at a corner selling things or asking for donation maybe. So it started like this.
One of them, an indian boy came up to me blocking my way with the eyes that I just to want poke it with a fork and asking out loud, "Wait miss, are you a muslim?!!"
I said to him nicely "no thanks" and try to walk away but he won't let me go STILL BLOCKING MY WAY. Then he repeated.
Loudly.
No.
Shouting.
"Are you a Muslim, miss?!!".
SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO SHOOT WITH A BULLET ON HIS DARK FACE.
So I pulled out my hand to his face(you know how bitches pulled out their hand? The you-can-talk-to-my-hand one?). Then I said,"No no no. I'm quite busy right now" and pulled out you-talk-to-me-I-slap-your-face kind of look and walk away.
He was so pissed off that shouted so loudly until the birds could heard,"Wah, QUITE busy!!!" to me.

-_-

Can anyone slap my face?

'-_-

I almost lodge a complain to the mrt staff but I was too tired to do that.
Don't you people think I never dare to do that.
I did onces before at school.
And OMG those idiots do pay a price.

OMG.
0_o

Where are the manners?
This is completely rude! At least talk properly then I will answer his question.
Bloody rude, I want to stab his face with a knife.

Pathetic Immature freak.

BITCH

BITCH

Just bitching with my fellow colleagues about some bitches. So hot news. OMG. But whatever it is, my lips are sealed. Haha.
Also I've just read up the book I borrowed Romeo's ex. So sad until it bring me up in tears.
It's all about love. Love change everything. Love can even make people changes.
Whatever. I don't want to get so effusive and sad.

I miss my friends!! O friends, where are you all?

Some rude freak just call through my phone minutes ago. Like WTH?! Can he at least show some respect? People want to sleep! What a bitch. I want to shoot him on the face!
Rude+immature=stuck up(tomorrow must die).

DBSK : My current obsession.

DBSK : My current obsession.

From left: Xiah Jun Su, Micky Yu Cheon, Hero Jae Joong, Max Chang Min and U-Know Yun Ho.

Yes, I have to admit that I'm slow. Everyone's using bluetooth while I'm still using infrared.

Peoples are using Intel pentium centrino duo or even more advance while I'm still using pentium II. Gosh I'm slow.
And yes it's the truth. I love this band. Shockingly, these boys are still young yet they've been doing successfully all over Asia. My personal favourite singers are obviously Xiah and Hero.
I'm absolutely loving them, going all in madness over them until this lips of mine(that wanted to say out those million praises about them) become speechless. Just want to say that they are incredible.
Xiah, the most adorable one that make me want to say out loud "cuteness overload" and astonishing voice he got. Micky, the funniest. Hero, the coolest and the deepest of all. On my previous post I had mention about the girl-looking guys, well he's not like one of them. When I watched some of their videos, it seems that he tend to be very caring and gentle (for what I'd observe). Max, not much to say. he's the youngest and I heard that he did things mostly correct. U-know, the leader, very manly and protective. I salute him.

Feels like...

Feels like...

In a sudden I felt so sad. I have no idea what is happening to me right now. Maybe because I stayed home too long and need to go out? Sigh..
Read up some news about the world minutes ago and I feel like as if its the end of the world. Everything had turned up side down. I have to stop thinking of it.

"When you're in the mood of grieving in despair.
When the ambiance chants that its the end of the world.
When you had the feeling of no one concerns.
When you're forlorn.
What could you possibly do?
All the secrets dawdlingly turns to poison ivy.
Turns malevolently."

Another boring day.

Read up the book I borrowed yesterday and it's terribly boring. Feel like poking my eyes. I just found out that I lost Sayang, my lovebird's baby photo.
I miss cuddling with her. Its been 3 years now. I really love her so much that I don't want to lose her. She fought with gemuk just now. So as a punishment, I spray water at her. Funny if us human fight over something unimportant. Would that make us animals? Haha.

I miss everything. I'm so bored that I need to get out tomorrow. Anywhere as long as I'm out.
I dreamt of going to somewhere enchanting. But only in my dream. I want to go spain! because I watched discovery travel and living before and the scenery in the village is beautiful. But I've always wanted to go to Italy. Haha. Such dreams won't never come true. Haha.

Bored

Bored.

Went to library this afternoon to kill time and borrowed 2 books The faery path by Frewin Jones and Romeo's ex by Lisa Fiedler. Then I went back home. Boring isn't it? I know. Gosh, tomorrow would be another boring day.

I miss my friends. I miss everything.

Bored. I'm bored.


"Abhorrence her as you may.
But bethink as shes yours formerly.
Conjure up the reminiscences.
It was not her but you who began.
Therefore never show acerbity if she still grieving.
Never either create condemnation to the hapless girl.
This is not the occur of partiality .
But the factualism of the love account happened.
Hence let her own trickling lachramyl rinse away the affliction."
-Nasirah.

I'm able to made this up out of boredom.
Haha.
So don't even try to copy this.

Memoirs of them.

Memoirs of them.

From left Damien, Wei Liang and Poh Hua doing project. (:

Cutie Renuka. (:

The vainness of me taking the last silly photos in lab on the last day in lab.

Yesterday was exam day. Considered the last day of school. And I'll be missing my classmates so much. Although the boys seems a bit irritating and noisy especially Aziz, they make me laugh and smile every school day aiding my gloomiest and saddest moments. Honestly they are the most nicest classmates ever. Renuka and Sathya, always went to 7-11 together and sometimes we would bought bubble tea. Miss those days. One memoirs I really treasure was the time Renuka and I got splattered by puddle of rain water all over us. I would be asking Sathya every morning where would the class be held. Those lectures from Mdm Koh the most caring teacher ever. Aziz, irritatingly adorable and always took my 'kawaii' moment. Poh Hua Irritating, disturbing me always but actually a nice person with his brother Poh Liang, a very kind and gentle person......
Oh, not forgetting the handsome Shou Xin, blushes easily. Haha. Gerald who will assist peoples generously when we asked him some help. There's abundant of them and I will miss them.

Sayang, my tricky little lovebird.

Sayang, my tricky little lovebird.

I discovered something unbelievable today. My cute 3 years old lovebird Sayang A.K.A Little Nara can actually do tricks. Such as greeting, calling "wee wee" to Snowie and I "kak(sis)", imitating my voice include squeaking& sneezing& whispering, Play snoozed when I blew softly to her. She'll kiss me if I asked her too. OMG. I was completely blow when she whispered back to me. But I undoubtedly longing her to do the play dead trick. Also the blanket trick and other common tricks like sit, roll over,etc. I'm so excited about these! But she'll only follow my orders. Haha.
I'll tell you some stories about her. When I first bought her and she was about a few weeks old, She loves to lay down on her back and play dead. She was like a chick, follow me around cuddle by my side. At night, she would cry so I had to sleep with her all the time. She lost her brother back then so it was a sad moment for us especially my brother shab(because it belongs to him). When her brother died, she kept making noise, crying. Few months later, went back home from school, I squeaked happily to her. Her respond, a big squeaky voice back to me while jumping around her cage. So I told her "Kiss, Sayang!". So she kiss me at my nose.
She's cute and I love her.

Sexy dress, Past are past..

Sexy dress, Past are past..

I really can't sleep so I decided to type up some of my thoughts. This mid noon(actually it was yesterday cause its already past twelve midnight), my mum bought me a surprise. And guess what? A sexy night dress which is what I'm wearing now.You'll laugh out if see me wearing it cause my boyish behavior doesn't seems to suits me. But at least I don't appear absolutely bizarre wearing it. Unlike my sister. Not that she's weird or any of those, its just that she's a bit boyish, if you know her. Haha. Sorry sis.

Talking about boyish reminds me of my past where I used to be a bit boyish(look at my last few post. There are pictures of me when I was little). On that period, I was undoubtedly envy towards my sister because she was so girlish. Unlike me, she used to love pink colors, dolls; all girlish things. Whereas I, act like a boy and even thought that I didn't deserve to be a girl but at that point I really want to be like one, girlish. The reason could be that I felt most odd of all( my sister and my cousin sister). And I never smile since I was young, a very timid girl who always sits alone in class(simply because there were some cliques. yup. During kindergarten and primary school). And I preferred to mix with the boys(until now) because boys are nicer and they don't backbite other. So my friend back then was a boy when I was in kindergarten whom I lost contact with up till now. Also, my father used to hit me, shout or scream at me. He sometimes hit my head to the wall or to the wooden bed post until my head felt dizzy and I almost fainted. I think that causes me to be hot-tempered person. But of course he never do that again. Just those moments. But he always hold grudges and quite a patient man. He's a nice man. I have to admit that my childhood times aren't so joyous(I'm not talking about my father). It's not important anymore. But seriously those awful period makes me becoming more fearful of even the silliest things or actions. So don't be surprise if you saw me disturbed by the most silliest things or actions. OMG. I'm starting to cry!
But I grew stronger my those experiences and further more, I told myself that women can never be abused. I will never let women to be abused especially in front of me.

Thats all. Need to hit the bed before my mother come in! Nitey nite.

Girl-looking guys are egotistic??

Korean musician Kim Jae Joon from DBSK. I'm not saying that he's like those guys. This is just an example. And honestly I do like his voice. I do like DBSK.
Hopefully he's not like them. (:

I hate girl-looking guys. You want to know the reason why? They knew that they are so good-looking that they act so egotistic toward peoples and act like I'm-the-most-good-looking-guy-in-the-world. And they are very unfriendly. But nevertheless they knew that their unflattering body absolutely suits their girly face. Their attitude are incredibly like the pure bitches. I don't want to condemn peoples but this things need to be said. I want people like this to wake up. Onces you're old and wrinkle, you'll loss your looks. Beauteous last for short of time. It would last unless your internal beauty shine then it will glow through external and peoples will see and know that you are beauty.

But not all girl-looking guys are like that. Some are very friendly, have a courtesy towards others also never self-confess good-looker and denies it instead therefore, I genuinely salute these peoples. I've seen one and he was very friendly and had a courtesy towards peoples. I was surprised and said to myself not all girl-looking guys are like that. Am I right?
Ahakz..

Shopping spree

Shopping spree

I went shopping with my older brother yesterday and he bought me Zinc leather bag and Elizabeth Arden provocative woman eau de parfum. But we went Zara boutique first, and honestly I was very cocky because I don't go boutique(like come on, boutique are for richest). I know his intention. Quality and long-lasting matter the most and price doesn't matter. He tell me what I want but I didn't tell him what I want. Its the 3/4 coat and flat sneaker. And you know what? They costs $150 and $60 respectively. I was like, OMG. So I didn't buy anything, not that my brother didn't want to buy it for me. Its because I didn't want it because its way too expensive.
So there it was. I know you'll ask, 'You brother been strike by what??'.
Haha.

Weirdest dream..

Weirdest dream..

Baim Wong, indonesian actor.

I had most weirdest dream yesterday. (actually I've always have weird dreams and I can't deny that)
It started like this..

Okay, okay... the truth is, I have no idea how it started but suddenly there were so many people in my house and I discovered something extraordinary. I got power. I can stop time and go back to past, present and future. I got the ability to manipulate the space-time continuum, just like Hiro nakamura. If you watch heroes, you'll know. So I went out from my room suddenly I saw Baim Wong (he is indonesia sinetron actor {idol drama actor}) in confusion in my mother's room. In a sudden someone got in my house through the main open door and attack him. He was completely clueless. I was in confusion , afraid and depressed so i close my eyes and make that funny face (you know how hiro nakamura make his face to stop time?). Suddenly everyone cease. Then I discovered that I got power to manipulate the space-time continuum. But I wasn't strong enough so it went back to normal. Then someone fight with Baim Wong but Baim didn't know how to fight back. But then I made my own conclusion that he got superhuman strength. Like superman. I make the funny face again to stop time and drag him to the kitchen toilet. He's tall, big figure seems useless. And I explain to him that he got superhuman strentgh like superman. So he 'll have no problem in fighting enemies. I told him that I can stop time while my sister can be invisible.Then I tell him to go back and fight the someone(btw someone had multiple acquired abilites, like sylar from heroes). But I told him that I'm not strong enough so I can't fight with him(but the truth is that I was scared). So I stay in my room and peep at them. I close my room door and then peep and again, suddenly my mom was there finished her prayer. I want to look for Baim Wong but I woke up. So that was my dream yesterday. Weird.

Cottingley fairy

The Cottingley Fairy

By the end of World War One the English were emotionally bruised and battered from four years of unrelenting bloodshed and horror. They seemed to be in need of something that would reaffirm their belief in goodness and innocence, and they found it in a series of haunting fairy photographs taken by two young girls in a garden outside of a home in Cottingley, Yorkshire.






(Top: Frances with the dancing fairies taken on july 1917.
Above: Elsie with the gnome.)

The two young girls, Frances Griffiths and Elsie Wright, initially took two photographs in 1917 to prove to their parents that they really had been playing with fairies outside in the garden, as they had claimed. The photographs showed the girls posing while delicate, winged creatures danced around them. A local photographic expert was shown the photos, who proclaimed them to be genuine, unretouched images. And once they had received this official stamp of approval, the fairy images soon began circulating through upper class British society.






(top and above: taken on 1920 by the two girls. Top Frances with the leaping fairy and above Fairy Offering a Posy to Elsie.)



Eventually the photos came to the attention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, author of the Sherlock Holmes mysteries. Doyle was a passionate believer in spiritualism, and he immediately latched onto the images, convinced that they were conclusive photographic proof of the existence of supernatural fairy beings. Doyle publicly made this argument in an article he wrote for Strand magazine in 1920. When the girls provided him with three more fairy photographs, he wrote a second article. Doyle's passionate belief in the reality of the fairies helped to make the two girls famous, and it sparked a national controversy that pitted spiritualists against skeptics.

Above: the only picture said to be genuine by Frances. Fairies and Their Sun-Bath taken on 1920.

It was not until 1978 that a researcher noticed that the fairies in the pictures were almost identical to fairy figures in a children's book called Princess Mary's Gift Book, which had been published in 1915 shortly before the girls took the photographs.

Many years later, in 1981, the two cousins confessed that the fairies in four of the pictures were, in fact, paper cutouts from this book. They had held the fairies in place with hatpins. But they insisted that one of the photographs—the one of the fairy sunbath that contained no people in it—was real.

To the modern eye the fairies in the photographs seem quite obviously to be paper cutouts, making it all the more incredible that the controversy surrounding them lasted so long. But the photos still manage to project a sensation of dreamy, childlike innocence. The five images remain one of the most famous photographic hoaxes of all time.

Fairy Kisses

Just wanna share this poem that i found somewhere.

Fairy Kisses - Rachael McCool©2006

Faeries kiss your eyes as you slumber,

Sending wave after wave of giddiness through you.

If you believe, you hear the faeries.

Their voices sing through your veins like honey,

Sweet and satisfying.

On your birthday, they listen to your secret wish,

And if you are lucky, they will find you pure enough,

To grant it.

When you lay to sleep, they come and take you away.

They take you to Faeryland, a realm of flickering creatures.

They rouse you, enchanting you; making you the happiest you have ever felt.

They wrap you in silk, feeding you succulent fruits.

You dance with them, holding their tiny forms close,

As they caress and coo softly in your ear.

You wake the next morning,

An odd giddiness inhabits your body and mind.

You lick your lips and taste juice.

You remember nothing of the night before,

But you have a strange knowing that it will happen again.

The question is will you let it happen again?

Do you believe?

Rachael McCool: Philadelphia USA